中澳移民留学

In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should children or teenagers be punished?

There are is an increasingly numbers number of youngsters being arrested and detained for their law-breaking behaviors. The reason mainly falls into three categories, which are related to individual, family and social factors. Proper punishment as well as rehabilitation should be carried out as a deterrent to such juvenile delinquencies.

Individually, some teenagers should be responsible for their own unlawful actions. Some teenagers are born with aggressive personalities, which make them easier to fall prey to fighting or even committing murder. Some others commit crimes simply because of their curiosity or adventurous nature. Substance abuse or drunk-driving driving under the influence (DUI) serve as vivid illustration examples in this regard.

Some juvenile delinquencies are committed due to family issues. In modern society, the amount of malfunction dysfunctional families, featuring which feature divorce and single parent, is on the rise. Living in such families, children are more likely to suffer from a range of mental disorders such as depression, self-inferiority and introversion. In some extreme cases, their psychological issues can easily trigger criminal offenses.

Last but not least, social problems may incur offenses done by youngsters. Among the problems is poverty, lack of education, etc. In some parts of the world, for example, children could not afford schooling because of extreme poverty. Lacking the necessary moral guidance and the law education, such youngsters are more likely to commit crimes.

Considering the severity of young children committing crimes, proper punishment is needed to correct their behaviors. Short jail terms and fines are suggested to prevent youngsters from committing crimes. What they also need is treatment that helps them recover and function better in the society. Rehabilitation, through counseling and education, can equip the youngsters with knowledge and skills, which help them stand on their feet and prevent committing crimes again.

Comments:

Hello there! My name is Cris, and I will be your writing tutor for this essay. You did a great job in writing this essay. However, there is always room for improvement so please take note of the following: 

Truth be told, I cannot find anything wrong with the essay. Minimal grammar error. Advanced vocabulary.

Incorporate more transitional words and phrases in your essay, especially at the beginning of each paragraph. Using transitional words and phrases helps essays to be read more smoothly, and at the same time allows the reader to flow more smoothly from one point to the next.

The reasons and examples you gave in the essay show a logical progression of ideas that makes your essay coherent, cohesive, and easy to understand.

That’s all for now. I am looking forward to reading the next essay from you. Keep writing! J

·         Task Response: 7.0

·         Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

·         Lexical Resource: 7.5

·         Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7.0

Revision:

There is an increasingly number of youngsters being arrested and detained for their law-breaking behaviors. The reason mainly falls into three categories, which are related to individual, family and social factors. Proper punishment as well as rehabilitation should be carried out as a deterrent to such juvenile delinquencies.

Individually, some teenagers should be responsible for their own unlawful actions. Some teenagers are born with aggressive personalities, which make them easier to fall prey to fighting or even committing murder. Some others commit crimes simply because of their curiosity or adventurous nature. Substance abuse or driving under the influence (DUI) serves as vivid examples in this regard.

Some juvenile delinquencies are committed due to family issues. In modern society, the amount of dysfunctional families, which feature divorce and single parent, is on the rise. Living in such families, children are more likely to suffer from a range of mental disorders such as depression, self-inferiority and introversion. In some extreme cases, their psychological issues can easily trigger criminal offenses.

Last but not least, social problems may incur offenses done by youngsters. Among the problems is poverty, lack of education, etc. In some parts of the world, for example, children could not afford schooling because of extreme poverty. Lacking the necessary moral guidance and the law education, such youngsters are more likely to commit crimes.

Considering the severity of young children committing crimes, proper punishment is needed to correct their behaviors. Short jail terms and fines are suggested to prevent youngsters from committing crimes. What they also need is treatment that helps them recover and function better in the society. Rehabilitation, through counseling and education, can equip the youngsters with knowledge and skills, which help them stand on their feet and prevent committing crimes again.