中澳移民留学

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

Whether children should be employed or not has triggered heated discussions[KZ1] . While some, factory owners for example,may welcome the move[KZ2] ,[KZ3] I believe the major responsibility of children should be receiving education at school, with some occasional part-time work working experience aimed at learning.

Children should be attending school and not doing paid work. The main work children should do is schooling and should not be encouraged to do paid work.[KZ4] Children still lack development are not well-developed enough,[KZ5] physically, mentally, and intellectually, to engage in most jobs, including arduous and repetitivetasks on a factory production line and office work. Besides, with energy spent on work, children may find it hard to concentrate on their studies, and such lack of concentration will put their which will affect their[KZ6] academic performance and long-term developmentat risk.

It is true that in some impoverished families, children need to work part-time in order to earn extra money for the family. Without their help, the family would have a hard time making ends meet. It is understandable if children’s schooling is not affected. Meanwhile, children can also be encouraged to help their parents with housework or light, part-time work in the community in order to get the feel of doing a job or taking responsibility. However, in many cases, immoral employers exploit children are being exploited by immoral employersand who make children work more for a less payment. and get paid less. There are health and safety issues to consider be considered as well. In any case, children working full time on physical work should not be encouraged.

In conclusion, I believe that study is the first priority of children, who can try some work only if it is conducive to their academic or overall development.

HI, how are you?

The position is clear and the body supports the position properly. There is a need to improve the hook and limit the passive voice sentences. Nevertheless, the essay is commendable.

Whether children should be employed or not has triggered heated discussions.While somefactory owners for example may welcome the move[KZ7] ,[KZ8] I believe the major responsibility of children should be receiving education at school, with some occasional part-time work experience aimed at learning.

Children should be attending school and not doing paid work. Children still lack development physically, mentally, and intellectually, to engage in most jobs, including arduous and repetitive tasks on a factory production line and office work. Besides, with energy spent on work, children may find it hard to concentrate on their studies, and such lack of concentration will put their academic performance and long-term development at risk.

It is true that in some impoverished families, children need to work part-time in order to earn extra money for the family. Without their help, the family would have a hard time making ends meet. It is understandable if children’s schooling is not affected. Meanwhile, children can also be encouraged to help their parents with housework or light, part-time work in the community in order to get the feel of doing a job or taking responsibility. However, in many cases, immoral employers exploit children and make children work more for a less payment. There are health and safety issues to consider as well. In any case, children working full time on physical work should not be encouraged.

In conclusion, I believe that study is the first priority of children, who can try some work only if it is conducive to their academic or overall development.

Good luck!

Tip for the day

The First Deadly Sin: Passive Voice

In most instances, put the verb in the active voice rather than in the passive voice.  Passive voice produces a sentence in which the subject receives an action.  In contrast, active voice produces a sentence in which the subjectperforms an action.  Passive voice often produces unclear, wordy sentences, whereas active voice produces generally clearer, more concise sentences.  To change a sentence from passive to active voice, determine who or what performs the action, and use that person or thing as the subject of the sentence.

Examples

Passive voice:

On April 19, 1775, arms were seized at Concord, precipitating the American Revolution.

Active voice:

On April 19, 1775, British soldiers seized arms at Concord, precipitating the American Revolution.

Other examples of passive voice:

1. The process of modernization in any society is seen as a positive change.

2. The Count is presented as an honest, likeable character. 

3. Thomas Jefferson's support of the new Constitution was documented in a letter to James Madison.

Overuse of "to be" (a related problem)

Use of forms of to be (is, are, was, were) leads to wordiness.  Use an action verb in place of a form of to be. 

Example:

It is the combination of these two elements that makes the argument weak.

revision:

The combination of these two elements weakens the argument. 

From <http://www.hamilton.edu/writing/seven-sins-of-writing/the-first-deadly-sin-passive-voice>

 [KZ1]Strive to avoid this format. Think of a hook about children or about child labor. For example:

Child labor is condemned, yet is rampant in some countries.

 [KZ2]What move? Be specific

 [KZ3]Inappropriate punctuations.

 [KZ4]Be straight to the point and brief.

 [KZ5]Strive to write in active voice.

 [KZ6]Try to avoid defining/non-defining clauses. Use conjunctions instead.

 [KZ7]What move? Be specific

 [KZ8]Inappropriate punctuations.