中澳移民留学

Some people think all the new buildings should be built in traditional style. To what extent do you agree?

10.15

ShouldThere is a heated debate that others think all thenew buildings should be built in modern or traditional style which is a thought-provoking issue whichthat I shallwill explore in this essay[JMA1] .

It has to be conceded that some buildings are better built in conventional[JMA2] conservative style. To start with, some buildings with special cultural identity,[JMA3]  such as church, temple, and mosque, should be built in conformity[JMA4] traditionalismwith the past convention. To the general people, these[JMA5] those buildings serve not only as places where people[JMA6] they canworship, but alsothey are integral part of their religions. Moreover, whether or not a building should be built in traditional or modern style may depend depends[JMA7]  on the surrounding environment. It would be odd if one skyscraper is erected in the ancient town of Fenghuang in China, in stark contrast with the wooden bungalow aroundthat area.

Considering the massive population explosion[JMA8]  and the required function for buildings in the current society, however, the modern way of building should be valued more. The surging population as well as[JMA9] along with the soaring property price may necessitate necessitates[JMA10]  the number of high-rise residential complex in different cities the city, saving valuable land as well as the cost of housing for urban dwellers. In addition, the fast-paced, highly-digitized and highly automated modern city life requires the building to be tailor-made[JMA11] appropriate for modern functions. LiftsElevators, escalators, and air-conditionersair-conditions, which cannot be provided by traditional buildings, are needed to facilitate for[JMA12] modern people’s life. Of course, some architectures[JMA13] can be designed with a traditional touch so as to[JMA14] in order to serve aesthetic purpose.

Overall, I believe that[JMA15] the modern architecture style should be the mainstream with traditional one complementary to the former.

Task Response:  7

Coherence and Cohesion:  7

Lexical Resource:  7

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:  6

Hi. This essay earns an estimated average score of 7. Generally speaking, you were able to adequately satisfy the requirement of the task. Both of your introduction and conclusion are relatively short. Put special focus as well on word choice to sound smoother. Study the proper use of prepositions and pronouns. Continue with what you are doing and take note of my corrections too for further improvement.

--murphy

Edited Version:

There is a heated debate that others think all the new buildings should be built in traditional style which is a thought-provoking issue that I will explore in this essay.

It has to be conceded that some buildings are better built in conservative style. To start with, some buildings with special cultural identity such as church, temple, and mosque, should be built in traditionalism with the past convention. To the general people, those buildings serve not only as places where they can worship, but also they are integral part of their religions. Moreover, whether or not a building should be built in traditional or modern style may depend on the surrounding environment. It would be odd if one skyscraper is erected in the ancient town of Fenghuang in China, in stark contrast with the wooden bungalow around that area.

Considering the massive population and the required function for buildings in the current society, however, the modern way of building should be valued more. The surging population along with the soaring property price may necessitate the number of high-rise residential complex in different cities, saving valuable land as well as the cost of housing for urban dwellers. In addition, the fast-paced, highly-digitized and highly automated modern city life requires the building to be appropriate for modern functions. Elevators, escalators, and air-conditions, which cannot be provided by traditional buildings, are needed to facilitate for modern people’s life. Of course, some architectures can be designed with a traditional touch in order to serve aesthetic purpose.

Overall, I believe that the modern architecture style should be the mainstream with traditional one complementary to the former.

 [JMA1]Revise sentence for a more natural structure.

 [JMA2]Word choice to sound natural.

 [JMA3]No need to use a comma.

 [JMA4]Word choice to sound natural.

 [JMA5]Use the right pronoun.

 [JMA6]Use a pronoun instead of repeating the word.

 [JMA7]Use the base form.

 [JMA8]Word choice to sound natural.

 [JMA9]Word choice to sound natural.

 [JMA10]Use the base form.

 [JMA11]Word choice to sound natural.

 [JMA12]Missing a preposition.

 [JMA13]Some is more than one.

 [JMA14]Word choice to sound natural.

 [JMA15]Missing a demonstrative pronoun.