中澳移民留学

7. The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.

“We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children’s book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population underage ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently open its own café.”

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In the passage, the Board of Directors recommends that Monarch Books should cancel the children’s book section and open a café to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books. To substantiate the recommendationsrecommendation[jpa1] , two sets of evidence evidences are provided: children’s books will be less popular because of a significant decline in the percentage of the population under ten and Regal Books recently opened its own café. Although the argument seems appealing, certain questions should be first addressed to make it deemed[jpa2]  solid and rational.

To begin with, the authorBoard [jpa3] has to answer whether or not discontinuing the children’s book section will impair the reputation of Monarch Books and reduce the total number of customers. According to the argument, Monarch Books is famous for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Cutting off the children’s book section makes it no longer an advantagereduces that edge[jpa4] . Customers who are attracted by this bright point of attraction[jpa5] will only be disappointed by this measure. They and other prospective customers who want to buy children’s books will not come to Monarch Booksany moreanymore[jpa6] . The reduction of customers caused by discontinuing the children’s booksbook [jpa7] section might be much more than the customers attracted by the new café. If so, the reduction will lead to a sharp decline in profit, so the recommendation is actually harmful to the book storebookstore.

Secondly, the authorBoard [jpa8] as well ignores as well [jpa9] the question of whether or not the decline in the percentage of the population underage ten means there will be fewer children. On the one hand, the assumption that population underthose below age ten years old represents [jpa10] all the children is ridiculous. It is obvious that individualspersons at ages eleven or twelve are also children, so the range of children’s age is much broader than the assumption. On the other hand, it is irrational to predict that the number of children within the surrounding area will declinediminish [jpa11] according to the decline of the percentage. It is very possible that the population of the whole nation is expanding at a high speed. Although the children’s percentage declines, their total number of them actually increases. If so, canceling the children’s book section is too unwise and will cause a great reduction of customers and profits.

Finally, whether the new café in Regal Books is successful[jpa12] is still open to doubt. We have no idea about this question according to the information provided in the argument. If the new café attracted far more customers than before and increased[jpa13]  the profit greatly, the measure could be proven efficacious and deserves a try. However, if the result ingenerated by Regal Books[jpa14]  is very disappointing, the measure should not be encouraged. It is very possible that the increase of customers in Regal Books is not obvious, and the operating fee of the café is so large that the profit of the store decreases sharply. If so, blindly following the business strategy of Regal Books [jpa15] is the worst choice for Monarch Books, and the recommendation will be more irrational and groundless.

In sum, the recommendation that Monarch Books should cancel the children’s book section and instead open [jpa16] a café to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books is too weak if the authorBoard [jpa17] does not address the questions stated above. To evaluate the argument more effectively, he or she should provide more solid evidence and facts to answer these questionsshould be provided.[jpa18] 

Hi. Your essay earns an estimated score of 4. After the revisions, a 5 is likely possible. You have a fair ability in using the language like a native speaker. However, restraint should be shown so as not to overdo it. There were instances of forced use of the language which simply affects the overall strength of your essay.

Keep practicing. J

--pierrie

Edited Version:

In the passage, the Board of Directors recommends that Monarch Books should cancel the children’s book section and open a café to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books. To substantiate the recommendation, two sets of evidence are provided: children’s books will be less popular because of a significant decline in the percentage of the population under ten and Regal Books recently opened its own café. Although the argument seems appealing, certain questions should be first addressed to make it solid and rational.

To begin with, the Board has to answer whether or not discontinuing the children’s book section will impair the reputation of Monarch Books and reduce the total number of customers. According to the argument, Monarch Books is famous for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Cutting off the children’s book section reduces that edge. Customers who are attracted by this point of attraction will only be disappointed by this measure. They and other prospective customers who want to buy children’s books will not come to Monarch Books anymore. The reduction of customers caused by discontinuing the children’s book section might be much more than the customers attracted by the new café. If so, the reduction will lead to a sharp decline in profit, so the recommendation is actually harmful to the bookstore.

Secondly, the Board ignores as well the question of whether or not the decline in the percentage of the population underage ten means there will be fewer children. On the one hand, the assumption that those below ten years old represents all the children is ridiculous. It is obvious that persons at ages eleven or twelve are also children, so the range of children’s age is much broader than the assumption. On the other hand, it is irrational to predict that the number of children within the surrounding area will diminish according to the decline of the percentage. It is very possible that the population of the whole nation is expanding at a high speed. Although the children’s percentage declines, their total number actually increases. If so, canceling the children’s book section is too unwise and will cause a great reduction of customers and profits.

Finally, whether the new café in Regal Books is successful is still open to doubt. We have no idea about this question according to the information provided in the argument. If the new café attracted far more customers than before and increased the profit greatly, the measure could be proven efficacious and deserves a try. However, if the result generated by Regal Books is very disappointing, the measure should not be encouraged. It is very possible that the increase of customers in Regal Books is not obvious, and the operating fee of the café is so large that the profit of the store decreases sharply. If so, blindly following the business strategy of Regal Books is the worst choice for Monarch Books, and the recommendation will be more irrational and groundless.

In sum, the recommendation that Monarch Books should cancel the children’s book section and instead open a café to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books is too weak if the Board does not address the questions stated above. To evaluate the argument more effectively, more solid evidence and facts to answer these questions should be provided.

 [jpa1]Only one recommendation was given.

 [jpa2]Remove unnecessary word.

 [jpa3]Use the correct term.

 [jpa4]Let’s use a more natural way of saying it. J

 [jpa5]Word choice.

 [jpa6]Write together.

 [jpa7]As an adjective, use the singular form.

 [jpa8]Use the correct term.

 [jpa9]Word order.

 [jpa10]Already redundant. Use a different way of saying it.

1.        [jpa11] Be more specific.

2.        Word choice.

 [jpa12]Use an adjective and not a noun.

 [jpa13]Use the past tense.

 [jpa14]Word choice.

 [jpa15]Be more specific.

 [jpa16]Show an action which replaces the original.

 [jpa17]Use the correct term.

 [jpa18]Revise phrase order.